The benefits of reading a dictionary

I'm one of those outlandish people who sits in the corner of the coffee shop reading small books. Today, as I recline in this 90 degree chair, I find myself digesting Hal Leonard's Pocket Music Dictionary. You must be thinking, "This guy is mad. Who reads a dictionary in their spare time?" I do, and here's why:

• It's good to exercise my memory.
• Music is my favorite subject, so that makes this particular book fun, but overall words are cool: you can learn how to use them daily and bewilder your friends with a fancy new argot.
• I always know what's coming next. Anxiety has been cured. I just can't wait until I find out what an equalizer does! (He said, jesting.)
• Also, I have ADD, but I can put the book down whenever I wish and there's no story to keep in my mind.
• They're written quite well.
• Imagine how cool you'll look with a five-pound piece of wood in your hands. Or you could go the pocket route and people might ask you if you're preaching a sermon or doing ministry for Merriam-Webster.
• Your English teacher won't be able to resist giving you extra credit points.
• With a monocle you can pretend you're actually Webster. It'll be our secret.
• You can tell all your smart friends "Yeah, I know how hard it is to read a book that's over 1000 pages" without actually finishing it. Legalese.
• Bookmarking is easy: I can just use another book.